Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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