she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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