Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
