Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it because I queefed?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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