hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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