belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
