sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i out mim tonsoeep
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
