that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
