I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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