yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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