i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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