i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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