She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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