i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
