Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
