THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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