goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
