He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
