hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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