I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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