So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You made out with two different species that night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
