your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
