sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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