That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just high enough for therapy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
