Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
