How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
