are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
