I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
