FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it because I queefed?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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