I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize