did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
