It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
