Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
