Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
