all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
