So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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