sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
