Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
