I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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