I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
