I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
