I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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