Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
