There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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