Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
