so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
