you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
