i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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