I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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