So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
