Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
