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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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