do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
