Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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